


show me a place I can realize love, not your illusion

by kuresoto



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghosts, If You Squint - Freeform, More sad than filth, That's Not How The Force Works, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-23 00:31:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8306900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuresoto/pseuds/kuresoto
Summary: It started not long after Starkiller Base. At first, he thought he was hallucinating – no, scratch that, he was sure he was hallucinating. Han Solo was no Force user so it should have been impossible for him to become a Force ghost to him. However, despite this information, Kylo still saw him everywhere.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bean_solo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bean_solo/gifts).



> Prompt: Han Solo becomes a Force ghost and haunts Kylo everywhere with snarky commentary, until Kylo finds out that he;ll go away if he's close to Rey. And of course that turns into smut because come on
> 
> So, it became more sad rather than filth :/ Kind of like soft smut? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ~~there's not a lot of it at the end I'm sorry~~
> 
> I started this back in April so it is definitely my longest WIP I've had sitting in my folder, abandoned one too many times since then! BUT I finished it at last :') Hope you enjoy, A <3

It started not long after Starkiller Base. At first, he thought he was hallucinating – no, scratch that, he was  _ sure _ he was hallucinating. Han Solo was no Force user so it should have been impossible for him to become a Force ghost to him. However, despite this information, Kylo still saw him everywhere. He was in the ‘fresher, body still warm and hair still wet, when he first saw him.

**‘She tore you up** **_good_ ** **, kid.’**

Kylo had spun around, hand outstretched and ready to choke the man from the comment  _ alone _ but his fingers merely wrapped around air. He was alone in the ‘fresher, not a soul in sight. He had sucked in shaky breaths at the time, slowly pivoting on the balls of his feet back to the mirror that was before him. The markings that scarred, no,  _ carved _ into his face and down his shoulder and arm stared back at him angrily. Caressing the warped skin, Kylo hummed softly. Whoever or whatever that voice was, was right: the scavenger - Rey, he reminded himself -  _ had _ done a good job.

It took a while but after that, the mirage of his late father no longer shocked him. If anything, it exasperated him; his father appearing frequently around the  _ Finalizer _ and making comments that if Kylo was less disciplined, he would definitely let the remarks get to him. Now, it was just a harmless nuisance, easily ignored.

“Ren, the plans for our next weapon.” Hux glared at him, his eyes full of venom and despise for the dark man since Starkiller. 

**‘This guy, the General? He’s probably the palest human being I’ve seen. Ever.’**

He had to fight the twitch that threatened to tip the corners of his mouth at the comment. Even though his face was protected by his mask, his teachings prevented him from giving into the grin that threatened to break. Luckily, his mask hid how his eyes flickered to the ghostly figure at every comment.

**‘Kid, what’s with the fan club?  Are they the reason why you’ve changed your name? Are you guys some wanna-be gang now?’**

**‘You should treat your comrades better. I kind of feel sorry for the people here, you know, ignoring the fact that they’re all helping to take over the galaxy.’**

**‘Kriff, I take it back.** **_This_ ** **is the palest guy I’ve ever seen.’**

_ That _ offhand remark was particularly dangerous considering that Kylo was kneeling before Supreme Leader Snoke. Thankfully, his mental defences were strong enough that Snoke had no idea about the apparition that haunted his days. He never acknowledged the ghost, always brushing past him or through him, never responding to the jibs.

**‘You should cut your hair. It’s scruffy and you look like a nerfherder.’**

Like before, the comment fell on deaf ears as Kylo towelled his wet hair, the scratchy material falling over his face. Most people would find the towel too rough for their liking but he was not most people.

**‘Your mother used to call me a nerfherder.’**

_ Crack _

The mirror that once decorated the durasteel wall of the ‘fresher was now in pieces, shards of the reflective glass scattered across the floor. Kylo glared at his broken reflection, eyes fixed on the ghost behind him. 

“I’m not…like you.”

That was the first time Kylo spoke back to the phantom. He breathed heavily and tried not to let the sting of his clenched fist bother him much. There were still bits of the mirror embedded in his skin.

**‘Oh yeah, I know kid. You made that abundantly clear when you put your ‘saber through my chest.’**

Han looked at Kylo, unfazed when a nearby cup sailed through him.

“You were supposed to help me!”

**‘I gave you a chance. I gave you a way out.’**

Kylo panted as he tried to grab the man by the scruff of his neck but only fell through the cool air and against the opposite wall. “You don’t understand! You never did! The  _ voices _ ! Even now, you’re just a voice! You’re not  _ really _ here!” His voice began to break with each word, each syllable with more hysteria mixed into it. 

**‘Kid, you** **_always_ ** **had a choice. You still do.’**

The only noise that remained were the drips of the leaking faucet along with the soft huffs that escaped his lips. He looked up, eyes darting wildly, trying to find the figure of his father but was left alone to ponder his thoughts.

After that, his father always seemed to be waiting for him when he returned to his personal quarters after a long day of practice with his Knights. The comments had shifted, however, from sarcastic remarks to ones that made him question himself – ones that would make him consider treason.

**‘What will happen when you take over the galaxy? What will Snoke do with you?’**

Collapsing wearily onto his bed, he let his head be cradled in his palms. “We’ll restore order to the galaxy. Even after the death of the Empire, there was never  _ order _ .”

**‘You’re no politician, Ben.’** Kylo purposely ignored the use of his birth name.  **‘Snoke is just using you to get what he wants. He will toss you aside when he gets what he wants.’**

“Why should I listen to you? You’re not  _ really _ here.”

**‘Exactly Ben. I’m** **_not_ ** **really here. So that means I’m just you; your subconscious telling you what you believe deep inside. Those Knights you’re training…do you really think they’re loyal to you? That you’re powerful enough to be their leader? You let that scavenger carve you up so easily.’**

“ _ DON’T MENTION HER HERE _ .”

His whole body shook at the thought of the girl who haunted his dreams. Since waking from that icy planet, his life had been constant torture, with the sight of his scar across his face an endless reminder of her. The appearance of his father only drove the knife further within him, twisting slowly so each day became harder and harder to bear. 

**‘Since you see her already in your dreams…’**

**‘…what’s to stop you from seeing me when awake?’**

Kylo froze at the change of voice from across the room. Lifting his head slowly, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Rey, just as he remembered, stood before him, in her sandy colored clothes still hanging off her shoulders. As the female apparition neared him, he tried to run but was unable to move. He sat, transfixed and frozen, heart screaming in his ears just as she stopped in front of him. 

**‘Did it hurt?’**

He knew she was talking about the scar her corporeal self bestowed upon him. “Not as much as you’d expect.” He spoke softer to her. He had more patience with the scavenger ghost than he had with his father. His father annoyed him but her, this girl? Like before, he was drawn to her, unable to bring himself to push her away – not that his hands could even touch the phantom.

**‘Why do you do this to yourself?’**

The question was left unanswered, his room once again becoming empty, leaving Kylo to stew in his misery.

His father and the scavenger took turns appearing before him from then on. Sometimes they would comment on whatever was going on around the  _ Finalizer _ , other times they would just stand in the background and observe the everyday goings of the First Order. They would remain silent in those instances but they were always within his line of sight, always just within his vision and never completely escaping his conscience. 

Passing different personnel in the halls, he saw General Hux approach. “Ren,” Hux started, a frown pulling at his face. Kylo looked at him questioningly, head tilted slightly since the slightly shorter male could not see his eyes through his helmet. “Do not fail the Supreme Leader again.” There was something there, just beyond his reach. Like a warning? 

Kylo stared at the General longer than necessary, debating whether or not to probe his mind and  _ take _ the answers he sought. He let the Force wash over him and stretch out, his mind slithering through Hux’s defences seamlessly. To say he was surprised at how easy it was to access Hux’s mind was an understatement. A memory was pulled up and shoved in his face, forcing him to take the information that was before him. 

_ ‘He’s weakening. Have you seen how distracted he’s been? Snoke already got the location of Skywalker from him. I say we take him out, next mission, all of us. Him and the girl.’ _

Kylo watched his Knights unanimously agree, the thirst for his blood reflected in each of their eyes. He pulled out of the General’s mind and let his eyes bore into the bright blue ones, piercing his soul. 

_ Why did you show me this? _

“Because,” Hux whispered, lips barely moving and just parted enough for him to be heard. “Whatever is happening to you is clouding your judgement. It’s creating a rift in the First Order. Snoke will not allow it to continue unless you fix yourself.” With that, the General moved past him and left more questions than answers. 

Clenching his fist by his side, his leather gloves squeaking at the pressure, Kylo strode purposely towards the shuttle that awaited him. When he arrived, the Knights nodded at him as normal, like nothing was amiss but he knew. He knew of their plot and he’d be damned if he let  _ them _ , the soldiers who would be  _ nothing _ , put an end to him.

**‘But they’re right. You** **_are_ ** **slipping.’** It took all his willpower to not let his eyes shift to Rey who stood nearby.

It was raining on Ach-To when they arrived, the darkened sky and lack of civilisation not helping with their visibility. It didn’t matter, they knew  _ exactly _ where Skywalker and the scavenger was. With mud squelching under their boots, his Knights marched towards the small hut that stood just along the treeline. He lingered back, watching as the others withdrew their weapons and charged at the two figures emerging from the hut. 

They fought valiantly, his uncle lighting his lightsaber and fending off the blows that attacked him. However, Rey seemed to be fighting with her _stupid_ _staff_ , not a lightsaber. She was ferocious but he wasn’t surprised; she did have to survive on the wasteland for years after all.

**‘Learning how to fight and defend myself came quite easy to me when my life was on the line,’** commented spirit-Rey. He only allowed for his head to tip slightly in acknowledgement.

Just as a Knight kicked Rey in the back, causing her to fall forward into the mud below, Kylo held his hand up towards the man, freezing his arm above his head in mid swing. The sound of his lightsaber igniting caught the attention of everyone. Good, they all needed to see. The way his red beam pierced the heart of the Knight was truly mesmerising. He let the man drop onto the slickened earth with a thud, thunder crackling and illuminating everyone in vicinity.

Lifting his head from the dead body at his feet, he heard the unmistakable hiss of anger behind him. “I  _ knew it _ !” 

Without a further glance at Rey or his uncle, Kylo spun on his feet and slashed his way through his once loyal Knights. He swung and cleaved with all his strength and anger, the apparition of Rey always within his sight, watching him blankly as he destroyed everything he built. 

Breathing heavily with rain beating down his back, he stomped towards the girl who laid in the filth, still frozen in shock at his actions. He stopped in front her, looming over her small form, and waited for her to do something, to say anything. His uncle disposed of the Knight he was engaged with and neared them with trepidation. 

“Ben…” Kylo could hear the confusion laced in his uncle’s voice but ignored him, opting to squat lowly in front of Rey and watch the girl from behind his visor.

His lightsaber had long since deactivated and sat on his belt once more, dangling innocently in the rain. Her eyes were wide with fear and confusion. He reached out, his gloved hand twitched inches before her face. She didn’t close her eyes this time, not like the first time he touched her mind on Takodana. She watched him with wonder, fear fading as she felt her mind untouched by him, not even an attempt at probing her. As his hand hovered in front of her, her hand slowly lifted from the sludge and reached out to him. She met him halfway, the tips of their fingers grazing each other. 

“Why?” she whispered. 

He let his fingers thread hers, their palms melding perfectly as one. The bond they shared was a fragment before but actually having contact with her? Being this close to her? It sizzled and screamed to life, their emotions and minds opening up for each other to see. He had no business going through her mind but Rey – she was bombarded by memories of the ghostly figures that taunted him. In the span of mere seconds, her mind took every piece of information from him and he saw it. She saw  his psyche slipping day by day, his turmoil bubbling within him and eating him alive.

Their connection snapped like a harsh slap. Rey gasped as his uncle grabbed Rey’s wrist and physically pulled her away from him. “Stop whatever you’re doing to her.”

A soft, pained gasp. “It’s too late.” Kylo jumped to his feet and marched to his ship, not paying attention to any of the bodies that decorated the earth of Ach-To. They stopped being his comrades the moment their lost faith in him. With purpose, he slid into the cockpit and felt the engines thrum to life, taking him far from the planet below. He ripped his helmet off and tossed it behind him, greedily breathing in air unhindered by a mask.

The trip back to the nearby  _ Finalizer _ was like a blur.

He didn’t remember any of his journey through the halls, determined to get back to his quarters and piece whatever was happening to him back together again. Before he could reach his destination, Hux intercepted him and tried to pull him aside.

With crazed eyes, he wrapped his fingers around the General’s neck, enjoying the feel of his windpipe being crushed by his hands. 

“R-Ren!” Hux clawed at the fingers around his neck. “W-What did you do?”

As he gripped the man’s throat, Kylo raised his other hand and ripped through the mental barriers before him. He saw his Master, the Supreme Leader, scream with rage the moment he felt Kylo cleave his way through his Knights. The final nail in the coffin seemed to be escaping the planet, leaving the remaining Force users unscathed. 

Relinquishing his hold around Hux’s neck, the smaller man dropped to the floor in a pile of limbs. Kylo wasn’t sure if the man merely passed out due to lack of oxygen or if he had truly succumbed to death. It didn’t matter though, he had to end it once and for all and with Snoke aboard the ship, it made it easier for him. He had to do this. Maybe if he ended it all, the voices would disappear. He had to do this; he had no choice. 

**‘You always have a choice.’**

“No father, I really don’t.” The phantom looked at him sadly as he stalked towards where he felt Snoke wait for him. 

What happened afterwards became a hazy memory to him. It was like he wasn’t in control of his body anymore, that he was just a spirit – like the ones that haunted him day by day – merely watching from within. He watched with a sense of satisfaction at how easy it was to slice down the old man, like a hot knife through butter. The screams of the once Supreme Leader seemed eerily distant as the last of his life faded from him. 

**‘Now what? What’s your plan now?’**

With his lightsaber still ignited and crackling in his palm, Kylo lifted his head slowly to see his father looking down at him, challenging him. He was meant to have disappeared. Once the Supreme Leader was dead, the voices were have meant to  _ stop _ .

“Why are you still here?” he moaned, the grief and anguish that seemed to shred his soul becoming unbearable. “You’re meant to have gone away once he was  _ dead _ !” Kylo gestured at the husk of a man behind him. “I did what you wanted to, didn’t I? Why won’t you  _ leave me alone! _ ?” 

**‘Because Ben, you’re not complete yet. You still need fixing.’**

“W-What?” Kylo gasped, trying to make sense of the words that were flung in his face. As he opened his mouth to scream in rage, his father morphed into  _ her _ before flickering back to the shape of Han Solo. 

Their connection. 

The way she had reached out and touched him – the soft tendrils of her mind gliding over his with feathery touches. If the roles were reversed, he would not have been so gentle but then again, he wasn’t sure if he knew how to touch mind’s any other way; Snoke always taught to him take, no, rip the answers he wanted. He was like a beast compared to her; he knew she wasn’t completely innocent either but where he lacked in strength she made up with it tenfold. She spared him when she could have ended his life once and for all. 

**‘Maybe it’s** **_you_ ** **who needs a teacher.’**

He opened and closed his mouth, trying to find the right words but came up empty. His body felt weak and his mind even weaker. Sidestepping the dead body of the once Supreme Leader, Kylo slowly started to walk. His lightsaber fell to the floor with a resounding  _ clang _ but the noise fell on deaf ears. 

**‘Where are you going?’**

He didn’t answer his father, not sure where his feet were taking him. He just needed to get away from it all. He needed the silence. 

Taking a page from his uncle’s book, Kylo eventually landed on a planet on the far corners of the galaxy and took refuge on a remote part of the planet. He wasn’t sure if it was inhabited but if he kept his head down and lived off whatever was around him, maybe he would just fade away and not be found. The ghost of his father kept him company but with minimal things to comment on, Han rarely spoke to him. Just like on the  _ Finalizer _ , he was always on the edge of Kylo’s mind, never completely leaving him.

When he first arrived on his island, his days were preoccupied with exploring his surroundings, guard firm in place until he was sure he was alone. Loneliness crept into his heart as days passed, himself unsure for the confusing feelings he caught himself waking up with. Being alone wasn’t new to him so he didn’t understand why the clench of his chest bothered him so much. He was always alone. Pushing as aside the emotions, he muttered to himself as his father watched on.

He lived in peace for two months before he was found. More specifically, before  _ she _ found him. 

Since killing Snoke and disappearing from the public eye, Kylo had taken to concealing himself from the Force. He had never tried it before and knew only highly skilled users were able to use the ability but he tried his luck anyways. When over a month passed, he only guessed that it worked since he had not seen a corporeal being in weeks, therefore it was a surprise when he came face to face with the scavenger one day.

He could only imagine how crazed he must have looked when Rey stumbled upon him. His beard was a wiry mess, only having a knife to trim it when it got too long, and his own hair becoming stringy and lank atop his head. Even his once black robes were now a faded grey, edges fraying from surviving the wilderness. 

“So this is where you’ve been for the past few months,” Rey commented, taking in his unkempt appearance. 

He grunted and pushed past her, shoulders bumping and the fish he held slapping his calves. Rey spun around and jogged to catch up with his long strides. Arriving at his make-shift home, Kylo sat in front of his fire and started to gut the fish. He skillfully sliced along its belly, ignoring her presence as he did so. Rey continued to speak despite his lack of reply.

“The galaxy is in chaos after you killed Snoke. With the Hosnian System destroyed and the First Order in shambles, the power vacuum you left behind is creating mayhem. Leia has been busy with what is left of the Republic, trying to bring order to the galaxy once again.”

At the mention of his mother, Kylo froze, hand suspended mid-cut. He stared at the fish before him but his eyes weren't focussed. All he could think about was his mother, and in turn, his father. “How is she?” he whispered.

If Rey had kept talking, she would have missed his question. “She’s misses you,” she said, eyes softening at the crouched form of Kylo Ren. 

“I can’t go back.” Kylo absentmindedly started to skewer the white flesh. 

“I’m not asking you to.”

“Then why are you here? How did you find me?” Haphazardly dumping the fish by the fire to cook, Kylo got up to his feet and glared at her. “If you’re not here to take me back then why are you here?” he asked again.

“I-I…” Rey stuttered before snapping her mouth shut with an audible click. Kylo watched through his long hair as the girl inhaled deeply, eyes closed before opening them once more. “I need a teacher.”

“Get out.”

“What?”

“I said get out!” Bending down, he swiped the slimy fish guts he had discarded and flung them at her. 

Rey quickly dodged the putrid entrails, face reddening. “What the kriff, Kylo!?”

“You had your chance! I’m no longer interested in becoming your teacher!” He turned around and grabbed his barely cooked meal, kicking dirt into the fire to extinguish it.

With clenched teeth, Rey leapt towards him. “Luke refuses to teach me after I touched you on Ach-To, saying that I’ve been compromised!”

“Well you had best change Luke’s mind or teach yourself because I refuse to be a Force-wielder. I gave up that life when I killed Snoke.” Seeing Rey come towards him, he retreated towards his cave, hoping for the girl to just leave him alone. 

“You can’t just refuse to be a Force-wielder!”

“Yes, I can!” He didn't care how childish he was sounding, he didn't want any part of whatever Force bullshit was happening. 

“Look, no one knows you’re here except for me! If you don’t train me then I’ll tell Leia where her son is hiding like a coward.” Rey let out an exasperated huff. “Stop running!” Her arm shot out and grabbed his forearm, stopping him from escaping further. 

The moment her fingers wrapped around his arm, the pair froze as whatever was between them roared to life once more.

When Kylo suppressed his Force presence, there was something noticeably empty inside him, but with Rey seizing him, that emptiness was filled with something else - a warm glow that he had once felt many years ago when he had first manifested. He ripped his arm from her grasp, stumbling backwards in shock. 

At the back of his mind, he knew the warm feeling within him had faded since he was a child, even throughout the years training with his uncle. As he followed his uncle's teachings, he hoped for the void that was slowly taking over his life to be filled once more. 

He chased the warm feeling for years, joining Snoke in hopes that the power he was promised would suffice. With the appearance of his father's ghost, he knew that joining Snoke was a lost cause. He had never felt more alone and finally surrendered to the solitude within his heart.

But now with the slip of the scavenger girl taking his arm and making him see everything with hope he had thought was long gone, scared him to death. “You never said how you found me,” he whispered softly, eyes wide as he waited for her response with bated breath.

Rey let out a long sigh. “The same way you found me on Ach-To,” she replied in a similar tone. 

“Snoke found you, not me.”

“And how do you think he found me? You're not that oblivious, Kylo. We’re connected through the Force somehow. Even though it's been weak recently, I can still feel you when no one else can.”

“Please leave.” He didn't want to repeat himself again, not when he felt his mind becoming more and more undone.

There was a beat of silence before Rey spoke again. “I'll leave you alone for now but I'll be back. I'll come back every day until you agree to teach me.”

Kylo dropped his head, staring at the skewers of fish in his hand as he listened to her footsteps fade. One side of the fish was still raw, the flesh translucent but when he turned it over, the skin was chargrilled and black. He sighed and begrudgingly made his way back to where the remains of his fireplace sat, hoping to salvage his meal. 

**‘Didn't you want to be her teacher at one point?’**

Kylo dutifully kept his mouth shut, teeth clenched to the point where his incisors squeaked under the strain, and dropped his fish back into the newly lit fire.

**‘Maybe it'll do you a world of good if you reconsider. She can help you too, you know.’**

He followed the silvery being from the corner of his eye until it faded from sight. He didn't need help, much less from the person who marred his face. Lifting his hand, he caressed the warped skin that ran across his face, eyes hardening as he thought back to the fight. No, he didn't need from her; if anything, he needed her to stay away. 

A crackling noise drew him from his thoughts. 

“Kriff,” he muttered, pulling the fish from the fire and patting the embers from the meat. Now both sides of the fish were burnt.

True to her word, Rey came back the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that and so on. Sometimes she came in the morning, other times she came at night; her visits ranging from a few minutes to hours of just staring at him. They never exchanged words and Kylo preferred it that way. He didn't know how he would react if Rey incessantly pleaded to be her teacher every time they saw each other.

When it was apparent that her visits were not false promises, Kylo started gathering more food in case she ever stayed to eat with him. One night, he prepared two large leaves of meat from his hunt earlier that day, nodding at it as he shovelled his own serving into his mouth with his hands. He watched from behind his lank hair as she ate in a similar fashion to him, licking the green make-shift plate when she was finished. She always left him alone at night, never overstepping her boundaries whenever his eyes darted towards the cave where his substitute bed lay. He didn't know where she spent her days or where she set up her camp, assuming it must be nearby. 

He didn’t realise how close until he stumbled upon her bathing in the nearby stream. Not wanting to stick around for Rey to appear for her daily staring, Kylo set off early in the morning along his frequently visited trails. When he stopped by the river near his camp later in the day for a drink, he didn’t expect to see anyone, much less Rey. With the clear water seeping through his cupped hands, he stared at the unmistakeable figure further along the bank. He froze. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t speak; he couldn’t even bring himself to blink in case she disappeared when they opened again. He couldn’t see everything but he saw the smooth of her back, her hair swept over her shoulder as she rinsed the dirt from her body. 

Kylo swallowed thickly, head still low and suspended just above the water's surface. Should he stay where he was and hope she didn’t notice him? Should he slowly slink away and ignore what he saw? Questions were buzzing within his mind as the soft splashes drifted through the warm air. 

Why did she stay on this isolated rock with him if she wasn't going to say a word? What did she  _ really _ want?

The sound of water moving broke his reverie. He watched in horror as Rey slowly turned around, wet hair plastered to her shiny body, and squinted at him in the distance. Kylo ran, not caring if his footsteps while escaping were akin to a Bantha.

She still didn't speak to him.

But when she  _ did _ , a complete moon cycle had already passed.

“Is this what you plan to do with the rest of your life?”

Kylo paused upon hearing her question, hand hovering over his food; caught off guard by the sound of her voice. They spent so many days in silence that he almost forgot why she came to him in the first place. “What do you mean?”

“This,” she started, gesturing at his appearance and the bare formation of his ‘home’. “Are you going to stay here and just let your life pass by? Stay here days on end doing absolutely  _ nothing _ ?”

“I don’t see how it concerns you. You’re more than welcome to leave if my lack of actions offends you so much.”

Rey stood her ground. “I’m not leaving.” She didn’t flinch when Kylo threw aside his half eaten food and stomped towards her.

“And why exactly is that? You came here with the intent of convincing me to be your teacher and yet, you have done nothing! You come here every day and say  _ nothing _ ! You do absolutely  _ nothing _ , so I’ll ask you one more time.  _ Why are you here? _ ”

Standing a hair width apart, Kylo couldn’t help but inhale her scent. It was sweet with something fresh mixed into it, like freshly cut grass or a warm summer’s day. He watched as she fumbled for words, her lips pulled at the sides as she chewed the inside of her mouth. When he let out a long exhale, his breath tickled her face, causing her to look up at him. 

“I wanted to learn from you.” 

At her simple answer, his nostrils flared in displeasure as he spun around. He couldn’t stand to hear any more of her excuses. He glared at the silvery ghost of his father that stood just beyond the treeline.

“I want to learn about the man who destroyed the First Order and went into hiding right afterwards. I want to know why he did it, what motivated him to take such drastic measures to end it all himself, and what he’s running from.”

Kylo kept his eyes trained on the ghost, hands clenched at his sides as he ground his teeth together. He wanted to run, steal her ship and find a new planet to live out his life on, but he knew she would find him eventually. His nose started to sting as he felt tears gather at the corners of his eyes. His father still watched on with sad eyes.

“What are you hiding from?” Rey reached out for his arm, fingers brushing against the worn fabric of his robes.

“I'm not hiding from anything,” he mumbled. He closed his eyes, a single tear staining his cheek as he blocked the image of his deceased father from sight. 

“Kylo,” she pleaded softly, moving around him to face him. “Show me what's wrong.” When he opened his eyes, Rey followed his line of sight with furrowed brows. Looking back at Kylo with uncertainty, she clapped a hand on his shoulder and felt the tingling sensation of their bond scream to life. 

Rey cupped her mouth, gasp caught in her throat at the unmistakeable image of Han Solo standing by a nearby tree. The pair stood motionless, both staring at the ghost with different degrees of tiredness and shock. 

“I…” At the sound of Kylo’s deep voice garbled with emotion, Rey turned to look at him, waiting for him to continue. “I did everything he wanted. I ended everything. I thought if I killed Snoke then he would leave me alone but  _ he's still there. He still haunts me _ .” He sucked in a lungful of air, his eyes heavy and nose dribbling. “I'm so sorry for everything, father. I don't know what to do. What do you want me to do?” 

Rey watched with remorse as Kylo fell to his knees, face cupped and hidden behind the curtain of his lifeless hair. Unsure of what to do, Rey squatted next to him and rubbed his back soothingly, shushing into his ear as she watched the corporeal being. She faltered in her whispers when Han looked at her with upturned lips and kind eyes, before fading into the night. 

She stayed with him after that, never sure if she was welcomed or if he was too exhausted to shoo her away. Rey found it worrying how easy it was to seamlessly insert herself into his life, but the feeling faded before she could dwell on it for long. It seemed natural to spend her days with him; hunting and gathering food together and following him on his long walks. His presence calmed her and she hoped hers did to the same to him. 

She had invaded his personal space within his small cave, taking up residence not far from his own pallet. The distance between them was innocent enough, just out of reaching distance to one another, but as the sun rose every morning, her make-shift bed shifted closer and closer towards his until they were flush with one another.

He frequently stared at her when she slept, her lashes fanning over her cheeks and her auburn hair framing her face. Weeks already passed since she started living with him. Sometimes he wanted to shake her violently and scream until his throat was raw, ask her desperately why she was wasting her life away with him. Other times he was content with their intimate relationship. More than once he whispered at her serene face, hand reaching out to caress her face but never touching. He didn’t know why he didn’t just push her away, but then again, he didn’t know what to think these days. Nothing felt normal anymore. 

It was when he was too tired one night to whisper questions that she responded.

“ _ Because I feel everything you feel _ .”

Kylo pried his eyes open, lids heavy with the thick crust of sleep accumulating in his ducts. He blinked several times, trying to focus on the girl watching him. 

“What?” he asked, voice gravelly.

“The loneliness,” she elaborated. “I felt it when you first disappeared. I didn’t know what it was at the time and it frustrated me. I was frustrated that I couldn’t feel happy despite the fall of the First Order. I reached out to Luke for advice but he refused to look me in the eye, saying that there was too much ‘Ben’ in me.” Rey let out a snort, the sound jarring against her soft tone. “You know he didn’t want to train me even before you came to Ach-To. I spent weeks whittling away his hermit demeanor, begging him to give me a chance and you know what happened when he finally asked to see what I could do? He looked at me with something akin to horror and shouted at me, asking where I had learnt to wield the lightsaber like that. I couldn’t answer him of course, I just twirled the lightsaber how it naturally felt but it wasn’t good enough. He became even more recluse, if that was possible.”

Kylo’s eyes widened at the comment of her lightsaber skills, heart racing at her mention of twirling the weapon. “Rey,” he whispered, voice barely audible as Rey continued with her rant. 

“And then you show up with your Knights and you kill them all to save me?” She held a hand up when Kylo opened his mouth in protest. “Please, I saw what you did. I saw how you froze that man who was going to strike me when I was down. You saved me.” Rey let those words hang in the air, waiting for them to completely sink in. 

He moved his hand, placing it between them. “Luke won’t teach you,” he said slowly, fingers twitching to touch some part of her to confirm his suspicions.

“No, he won’t.” Rey moved her hand towards his, the tips of her fingers inching towards him at an excruciating pace.

“Because of me.” His throat felt too narrow to breathe, constricting and suffocating him until he finally felt her hand slide over his, fingers lacing as their bond roared to life once more. “Because you already have a teacher,” he breathed, heart beating far too fast for his liking. 

“Because we’re force bonded and everything you feel, I feel. Everything I feel, you feel.” Rey untangled her fingers from his and cupped his cheek. “You haven’t felt alone for weeks.”

“No.” His voice was weak, a sob lodged in his throat.

“I’ve never felt so sure about anything in my life.” She started to move closer to him, her face tilted to one side.

“No,” he repeated, begging for her to stop.

“Shh,” she whispered. “Don’t be afraid. I feel it too.”

Her lips were soft against his, with confidence that made his heart surge and for him to inhale her scent deeply. Weeks spent together on this secluded island with just water to wash themselves should have made their bodies smell but as Kylo slipped a hand under her tunic, all he could smell was the fresh tang of grass and salt from the ocean. His hand roamed over the smooth skin of her expansive back, palming over the softness desperately as if she would disappear at any moment. 

She rolled on top of him, groins grinding against one another as she clawed at his worn clothes, lips still locked with her tongue slipping into his mouth. Her fingers carded through his hair, fist clenched into a ball and catching the strands as she held onto him with her life. Sucking on his bottom lip, her tongue flicked over the soft flesh, pulling at him between her teeth to the point where she knew his lips would be bruised tomorrow. 

Rey broke their kiss to pull her tunic over her head, revealing scars that ran up her chest before disappearing behind her chestband. Kylo propped himself on his elbows, watching as she unrolled the thick material covering her breasts. His eyes strayed to her scars. He sat up, causing Rey to sit back on her knees. 

“Kylo?” Rey whispered. She shivered at his intense stare at her bare chest, suddenly feeling self conscious at her forwardness. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to act on her feelings. 

Before she could crawl back and retrieve her clothing, Kylo leaned forward and with a gentleness he had only showed her, he cradled her body and laid her on her back. Then slowly, he lowered his face and kissed every thin silver line that painted her body. Blinking furiously, Rey looked elsewhere, anywhere but him. Her nostrils tingled and her eyes stung. She didn’t need to do this. 

“Rey.” Rey looked down at the sound of her name. She trembled at the touch of his lips over a particular scar that stretched across her ribs. “This was one of your earliest scars, if not the first, wasn’t it?” At her nod, Kylo continued. “You were young. You were still trying to get used to scavenging. You found an abandoned cruiser and you thought if you could salvage all the parts yourself, you wouldn’t have to scavenge anymore. You thought that maybe if you did a good job, your parents would come back for you.”

Rey kept quiet, remembering that day all too well. Plutt wouldn’t tell her anything about her parents or where they went, only yelling at her to earn her keep like all the other people on Jakku did. When she found the cruiser, she thought she could possibly buy her way off the planet and find her parents. Being the child she was, she didn’t understand that the galaxy was a big place and that her ambitions were virtually impossible for someone her age. But she tried anyways, stripping one section of the ship at a time of all parts she found salvageable. Her hands felt raw at the end of the day - every day - and her body became fatigued but she pushed on until she slipped, falling down several decks of the ship. That fall contributed to several scars on her body, including the jagged one that Kylo was occupied with. She had laid in the darkness of the shipwreck that day for hours until she mustered the strength to crawl back to Niima Outpost for help. Her chest was burning, hot with blood after she fell over a broken piece of durasteel. 

Tears swam into view as she covered her face with her forearms, hiding herself from Kylo and the world. She didn’t want to think about those times anymore. She didn’t want to go back to those times anymore. 

Her shoulders shook softly as the memories kept fluttering to the forefront of her brain, tormenting her behind her closed eyes. She let out a choked sob and startled at the touch of something against her cheek. 

Kylo eased her arm off her face and dropped kisses across her face, tracing the tear stains that ran down her cheek. “You’ll never be alone again.” 

Rey wrapped her arms around Kylo’s neck, pulling him close so she could bury herself into his chest. She cried into the night, surrounded by his warmth until she fell into a blissful sleep. 

They slept together from that night onwards, cocooned in each other's arms, both holding onto each other desperately. Other times they would be sprawled across each other, bodies glistening with sweat and breaths laboured. It was at those times that their bond made them feel more alive than ever. 

Mewls escaped Rey, back arched as his thick length slid past her entrance seamlessly, her walls clenching and acclimating to his girth. His grunts mixed with her moans, cock buried deep within her wetness, thrusting in and out of her furiously as he held onto her shoulder for support. His thumb dug into her shoulder blade that he wouldn't be surprised if he left bruises along her tanned skin. Afterwards, he would drop butterfly kisses over his red finger-shaped marks and the purpling skin he left across her smooth body. Under her nipple, at the junction of her neck and shoulder, on the inside of her thigh, just under her ribcage - everywhere and anywhere.

Sometimes Rey would swing her leg over his unsuspecting body, lips meeting with teeth clacking and nails raking over his back, leaving bright red lines. He would moan when she pushed him away, dropping onto his erect penis in one go, impaling herself and riding him with all her might. Her would chest heave, gasping for air as she swirled her hips, fucking him until her thighs burned. He would thrust upwards when her pace became uneven, tiredness setting into her bones. His hands would wrap around her wrists and hold them by her side, firm but gentle, before pounding up into her with abandon, causing her head to fall back and her mouth to drop open. Her hair dangled and tickled his tented knees, making Kylo become more erratic, the sight of her swinging above him enticing and becoming a drug to him. 

Their bond was like a warm blanket over their bodies when they were together but during sex? With their hearts laid open and mind completely unguarded, it was like they could physically see the golden lines of their souls intertwining with one another, becoming stronger as days passed. If either noticed that the faux-spirit of the late Han Solo had long since disappeared, neither mentioned it nor cared for what it meant.

As they learnt from one another and supported each other, their bond became so strong that nothing in the whole galaxy could even splinter it.

-

General Leia Organa stepped off her shuttle and and inhaled the salty air that bathed the small island she landed on. She signalled at the man and the Wookiee to stay aboard the ship, allowing her to venture into the abandoned camp alone. The site must have been deserted for a few days at least, dirt covering the sticks that made up the campfire but not completely burying it. 

It had taken them a while to track down her son, or at least the approximate whereabouts of him before he moved on. Since defecting to the Dark Side, their bond had weakened to a faint heartbeat until recently where it steadily became stronger and brighter, allowing her to locate him. Evidently, it was too late if the empty island was anything to go by. 

“Rey was here.”

Leia turned around at the sound of her brother behind her. “Are you sure?”

Luke nodded. “Positive. Her aura is different, along with your son’s, both of them brighter and  _ different _ , but it’s definitely theirs.” He crossed his arms and turned to his sister. “What now? What are you planning to tell the others?”

A snort. “Those pseudo-politicians don’t even believe in the Force. They won’t understand that we can see the footprints of their spirits lingering in the air. No, I’ll just tell them what they want to hear.”

“Which is?”

Making her way back to her shuttle, Leia stopped by the campfire one last time, the curve of her boot kicking the dirt to reveal small fish carcasses. She smiled. Her son always did love seafood. Luke’s questions remained hanging between them until they were high above the planet.

“Kylo Ren evaded us yet again. Rey is still missing but there’s no reason to mention that to them, especially when there’s no  _ physical _ evidence that they’re connected. There’s no need to bother them with trivial politics.”

  
  



End file.
